#Ep 04: Stop Hiding, Start Thriving

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You're listening to the modern coach podcast, episode number four.

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And in this episode, we're going to talk about why you should

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stop hiding and start thriving.

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Let's get on with the show.

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Well, welcome one.

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Welcome all.

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Okay.

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So today's topic is one that can be a little bit triggering

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for a lot of coaches out there.

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And it is one that I seem to spend the majority of my life talking about,

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particularly when it comes to content creation, when it comes to showing

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up online and when it comes to.

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owning our magic as I like to call it.

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So why do most amazing, uh, life-transforming coaches have zero

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internet presence, have no content to speak of, busy, stuck in their heads,

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busy doing the busy work of being a coach.

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And all so reluctant to actually show up online and to actually, you know,

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own their coach and that they are.

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the best of what they do.

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And, you know, I sort of thinking about this actually, because I joined a, um,

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coaching program, uh, not too long ago.

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And the majority of the coaches that are part of set coaching

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program have no internet presence and they have nowhere to be found.

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And I found this fascinating that, you know, we have these

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big name coaches, quote, unquote room, the big names, the big dogs.

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The majority of them are male take from that will you will, you

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know, and we, we pay them a lot of money for access to their genius.

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And there's nothing wrong with that.

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Right.

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I've gotten male mentors who I asked really love, who I

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promote, who I found go over.

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I've got female mentors who I love and fun go over.

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Right.

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But I think that the interesting thing here is.

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A lot of these big name, coaches hire other coaches to coach the

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people in that coaching programs.

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And I think that this business model is an interesting one to consider

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because there are different ways for you to be a coach, right?

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There's different.

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You can be a corporate coach, you can be hired by a company.

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You can be facilitator in another coach's program.

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Right.

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And I think that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you being a coach

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in a different person's company.

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If you don't want to be like the face of the brand, that's an option.

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And then that's one that we can definitely, you know, discuss

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and explore a little bit further.

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I think that the interesting part comes though with, well, why are

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these people, like, there is a specific coach that I'm thinking of.

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Program who was just so good at what he does.

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Like every time I have this conversation with this person, whether it's in

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the Facebook group, whether it's, you know, on a coaching call, whether

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it's in an in-person, capacity, my perspective, everything changes.

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And I almost want to be like, well, I, why can't more people know of your magic.

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Yes.

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I know you're part of this program and it's amazing.

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And yada, yada, yada, but like, Why are you hiding?

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And this, this episode is an old marsh to that and to all of the other coaches

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out there who are just so good at what they do, but so few people know it.

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And you know, I think a lot of us have this bugaboo about being ourselves online.

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And I think part of being a modern coach is you becoming

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more and more of who you are.

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On the interwebs and my aim every single year.

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And this is literally something that we measure every year is like,

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how much of me am I being online?

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Am I pretending to be something I'm not?

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Am I, showcasing all of the facets of my personality?

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Am I being silly and funny?

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You know, am I doing weird voices?

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am I.

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I dunno, doing, you know, odd accents, all of the different weed and fun

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and wild things that make me, me, how much of that am I being online?

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And that's something I literally measure, but I'm, you know, I'm an oddball, so

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I'm not necessarily saying that you have to measure these things, but I think

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it's something to be considered of.

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Why are you reluctant to be you on the interwebs?

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What is it that makes you think.

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No fuck.

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I can't call and say that or no, I could never post that.

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Like a lot of my clients say this to me.

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Like, I can't, I can't believe you just wrote this email.

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Like, oh my God.

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I've been thinking that, but I haven't been able to say it.

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And I think that you, as a coach, it's your job to see the things

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that people are thinking, right.

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It's to expose those different facets of the industry that are questionable

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it's to expose the thoughts that people.

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Uh, having, but I'm not willing to share.

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I think that is part of you being a coach.

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So what is it that stops us from actually saying the things

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from doing the dues from.

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You know, showing up as ourselves online as, as wonky as that sounds.

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And I think it's, it's this, it's the judgment of others.

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It's the fear of the fact that, oh my God, how can I say this?

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And I remember I sent this email a few weeks ago.

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Um, the title of which was the one cycle of coaching or the coaching Lang

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cycle, something along those lines.

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And it was something that.

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Really triggered me.

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Honestly, so I had this amazing industry friend who I had gotten

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really close with and she was doing her first ever speaking event.

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And she asked me whether I wanted to come along with her.

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And if she asked me if I could help her with her speech.

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So of course I jumped at the opportunity, like a fun with friends

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and be like really great experience, helping someone put together a.

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So we went to this event and I wasn't really sure what I was doing.

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Like, you know, having that conversation, like, what do I call myself?

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Am I a messaging architect?

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Am I a funnel architect?

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Am I a messaging strategist?

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Am I a coach?

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Am I, you know, the goddess of light, the goddess what's smithery who am I?

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Who will tell me who I am?

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I was having one of those like existential moments in my business.

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And that point, I was sort of susceptible to any sort of

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messaging that would come my way.

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And this dude came, you know, it was the only guy that was speaking in the

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event and he came up to the stage and he was funny and compelling and, you

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know, made great marketing points.

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And he basically said, well, you know, welcome.

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You're in the coaching wine cycle where it's a, basically a big pyramid scheme.

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And I remember this being like, oh my God, I don't want to be in a pyramid scheme.

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That was.

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Dangerous.

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And it sounds terrible.

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And, you know, I don't want to be one of those coaches, like

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one of those coaches, right?

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The ones that take advantage of you, the ones that do do this, this and this, I

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didn't want to be part of that industry.

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And instead of, you know, deciding that I wanted to shape the

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industry to be something else, I was like, ah, fuck this bullshit.

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What I'm going to do is I'm going to call myself a strategist.

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I'm going to just do done for you, work for clients and, you know, goodbye.

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Thank you so much.

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obviously this didn't all pan out because if you're meant to be a

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coach, you're going to coach anyway.

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Uh, and you're going to end up, you know, being in the same cycle, yada, yada, yada.

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So.

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I really had this, idea of the fool friend.

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And as I was writing that email about like, what does it

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actually mean to be a coach?

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And, and why should we call ourselves coaches?

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And what does it mean to be, you know, a modern coach?

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So I was, as I was thinking about starting this podcast, I remember having

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that feeling when I was talking to.

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The people after that talk of like, oh, like that dude, like

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made a really good point about it being like a pyramid scheme.

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And the fact that we, I only wanna work with women, like

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why, why is that happening?

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Why do I only want to work with women?

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You know?

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And what have the men in my life done to deserve being abandoned.

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Right.

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Let's face it.

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There are lots of male coaches who help males and there's absolutely fine.

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Like no one is going off to them, but also in the female space, we

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sort of feel like we're being.

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Almost harassed for the business choices that we're making.

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There's nothing wrong with you being a woman and wanting to help women.

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There's also nothing wrong with you being a man and wanting to

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help men, or there's nothing wrong with you wanting to help everyone.

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there's nothing wrong for you to niche or niche.

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Like there is no right or wrong.

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And I think this is one of the recurring themes that I want everyone to hear is

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that there is not one way to do business.

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There is no one way, like there is no one only best way to do.

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The things that you want to do, it's absolutely up to you to

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figure that out for yourself because everyone is different.

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And I think that the one, takeaway that I had thinking about that

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experience was this, that it enabled me to keep hiding who I actually

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was based on some pretty words and a pretty speech from a keynote speaker.

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And wasn't it interesting.

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Those words played into my worst fears about calling myself a coach.

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And then they let me hide myself away.

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They let me stay in my comfort zone of doing done-for-you work for people

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instead of actually fully coming out and coming out of the coaching closet

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and being like, hello, I have arrived.

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I coached people for a living and even having those feelings about.

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Naming yourself a certain way as if, like, if I call myself a coach today,

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that's all I will ever be for the rest of eternity, but I'm not just the coach.

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I'm also a great strategist.

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I'm also a great sister.

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I'm great daughter.

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I'm a great partner.

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I'm a great, this, this, this, and this right.

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Cooling yourself.

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One thing.

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Make any of those other experiences, any less valid.

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And I think sometimes we forget that and sometimes we let our innermost fears

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dictate who and how we show up, right.

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Particularly online.

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And I want you to know that, you know, it's absolutely normal

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for you to be uncomfortable.

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Starting your own thing.

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We, as if you look at the human psychology and just the pack mentality,

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it's literally wired into our DNA that we are supposed to be part of a pack.

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So you standing out and shouting from the rooftops and becoming, you

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know, your monkey mind, things that you were trying to become alpha.

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And your monkey mind doesn't know the difference.

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You're just posting on Facebook.

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Everything in you and your past, past genetics are telling

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you, oh my God, this is scary.

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Right?

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So like kudos to you for showing up whenever you are.

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But I want you to understand that in your monkey mind, in the mind that, you

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know, came from before, That level of exposure can be triggering and there's

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nothing wrong with you feeling a certain way about, you know, showing up and

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being visible and essentially exposing yourself to the criticism of others.

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Like no one wants that.

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They find if I line up like 20 people in a row and say, Hey, who

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would like to be judged on life?

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No, one's likely let's say to say.

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To that as a positive experience.

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However, if we thought to reframe how we see ourselves online and

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we start to reframe and say to ourselves, like me showing up every

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day is going to help my ideal.

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So many people discover me is going to help my ideal.

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So many people.

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Make the right buying decision, because I promise you that the people who are

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ready and willing to invest to work with you, the people who need your

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help, I just waiting for you to show up.

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So if we stop hiding and actually start posting the things that we want

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to post, if we actually start showing people that you, on the other side of,

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of your headphones, you're a fun, happy.

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Healthy interesting multifaceted multi-dimensional being who has so much

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more to offer to the world versus doing like the 365 posts of the year and copy

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and pasting the same bullshit content.

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And no one wants to listen to or read, you know, like what about your perspective?

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Let's stop regurgitating the same old bullshit, the same old stuff

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that everyone is saying and doing.

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And actually start to become a bit more strategic about what we say,

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how we say it and show up online with a purpose, like, well, let's

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stop posting for the sake of posting.

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No one wants to read your favorite fricking affirmations.

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Right?

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No one wants to see the same, like good morning money magic, Monday post.

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And I say this, you know, with just because.

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We all post that type of stuff.

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But if it's not in dispersed with really valuable, great, actionable

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content, then what are we even doing?

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Showing up online?

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Why are we doing this thing if not to change people's lives.

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And I believe that my content is an extension of my body of work, and

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it's going to only make the case for my clients to start working with me.

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It's only going to make the case for why I'm the courage to help that person.

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Right.

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Do the thing that they want to do.

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So, you know, it's, it's my job.

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I feel to help you own your genius.

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It's my mission in life to help you see that what you have to

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offer to the world, all of your wealth of experience is worth it.

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And it's worth talking about, and it's worth exposing and it's worth

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massaging, and it's worth you creating more than you're consuming.

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And I think if there is one takeaway, from all of my work.

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And the one takeaway that I wouldn't need to have is that if you stopped consuming

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quite so much, you would have so much more time to create, you know, and this is a

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conversation that I have with my partner.

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uh, you know, he's a writer and he loves watching stuff and I

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would indulge these binge fasts.

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And I would be part of the problem if not the problem, because I like to

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sit down and just watch everything, nothing against the bingeing.

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BG dubs.

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Like, I really, I love bingeing TV shows in general, but there came

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a point when I was like, is this really a great use of my time?

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Or can I be doing other things?

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Like, why am I not posting content?

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But I'm okay.

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Watching 10 hours of a TV show that, I could watch, whatever.

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And I think a lot of us are like that.

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A lot of us scrolling, like myself included.

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I'm not assigned to this, but a lot of us like jump onto Instagram

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and then 50 hours later we're like, oh my God, all I've done is what's

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the same reel over and over again.

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And I think there is this, like overindulgence in the

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consumption of content.

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And instead of thinking about it like this, like, oh my God, I'm losing.

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Time where I could be impacting people where I could be talking to more people

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where I could be doing the things that I want to be doing and creating

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the life I want to be creating.

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And instead of what we're doing is scrolling on Instagram and

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then thinking like, oh my God, Where, where is the time going?

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Like, where is it?

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And how many of us have looked up for my computer and being

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like, oh my God, how was it?

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Five o'clock where's the day gone?

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And I'm wanting you to stop hiding and stop prioritizing everyone else

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around you and stop prioritizing you.

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What is going to move your business forward?

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Well, in my experience, it's always going to be content creation, even if

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you're not a pro at content creation.

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If you're not a pro at showing up online.

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and doing the social media things, quote unquote, then that's okay.

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You don't have to be a pro, but I still want you to show up

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and, and develop that muscle.

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It's a little bit like me sitting here and saying, I would really like abs, but

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let me order a pizza and three desserts.

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Like I'm unlikely to get abs from having pizza in three desserts every single day.

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And if I don't ever work out and watch my nutrition, then

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how can I ever expect to get.

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Like it's the same thing with content, people who like

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Einstein and writing content.

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I'm like, okay, well, when was the last time you actually sat down on ropes?

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Like hashtag, you know, sorry, truth, bomb, or whatever it is.

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Right.

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I want you to hear yourself, when you say to yourself, I'm not a good at raising

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content, but when was the last time you actually made a concerted effort

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to sit down and write with intention?

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When when's the last time you decided no, actually I'm going to make the

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social media thing whack for me.

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And I think so many of us convince ourselves that we're not good enough.

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We're not this.

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We're not that we're not expert.

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Right.

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Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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And actually it's all just a big fat excuse for not making the time, not

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carving out the time in our schedule.

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And in my humble opinion, content creation needs to be the thing that

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you prioritize every single day.

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It needs to be the thing is at the top of your calendar, because it

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is the thing that is going to move your digital business forward.

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If you want to be a coach who is free to do what she wants when

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she wants, and now I'm assuming if you're here, then that's you.

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Then I want you to think about it.

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How am I starting my day?

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Am I starting my day by doing a 50 hour mindset routine that is doing

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fuck all to progress my business.

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Am I spending my morning checking in with clients who, again, like clients are

Alisa Kay: 00:17:15

important, but if you're putting their oxygen mask on first instead of your own.

Alisa Kay: 00:17:20

What are we prioritizing?

Alisa Kay: 00:17:22

You know, if you're telling yourself, well, I'll just start that tomorrow

Alisa Kay: 00:17:25

instead of starting it, right.

Alisa Kay: 00:17:27

This very second.

Alisa Kay: 00:17:28

Who are you appeasing with that?

Alisa Kay: 00:17:30

Are you helping yourself?

Alisa Kay: 00:17:31

Are you being the coach that you're supposed to be, not prioritizing

Alisa Kay: 00:17:34

the things that you want to do?

Alisa Kay: 00:17:36

And what would you say to your clients in that.

Alisa Kay: 00:17:38

Like it's time to stop hiding and it's time for you to, you know,

Alisa Kay: 00:17:42

like stop listening to messages.

Alisa Kay: 00:17:43

Like you don't need to show up online.

Alisa Kay: 00:17:45

You don't need to do this.

Alisa Kay: 00:17:46

Like just make a webinar funnel.

Alisa Kay: 00:17:48

Okay.

Alisa Kay: 00:17:48

Do you have an unlimited budget to spend on ads?

Alisa Kay: 00:17:51

Most of you don't I know I did it when I first dove into this coaching world.

Alisa Kay: 00:17:57

Even when I was making like a stable income and covering my bills, I still

Alisa Kay: 00:18:01

didn't have enough to spend on ads to the point where, you know, like my.

Alisa Kay: 00:18:06

My favorite ad strategist.

Alisa Kay: 00:18:08

She says this, um, like ads, money is money that you can put in a bag and set on

Alisa Kay: 00:18:13

fire in your backyard and be okay with it.

Alisa Kay: 00:18:15

Like, unless you have money that you are happy to put in a bag and set on

Alisa Kay: 00:18:19

fire in your backyard, then we need to have a cold, hard conversation about.

Alisa Kay: 00:18:24

The, the blahzay nature of coaches everywhere thinking that they can just,

Alisa Kay: 00:18:30

you know, wish upon a money candle and all of the clients will come to them.

Alisa Kay: 00:18:34

And I'm really sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you telling people about

Alisa Kay: 00:18:39

your offer is what's going to give people the opportunity to invest in working

Alisa Kay: 00:18:44

with you and you consistently telling people about your offer and what you

Alisa Kay: 00:18:47

do is the only way that you're going to have consistency in your business.

Alisa Kay: 00:18:53

And how many of us want that?

Alisa Kay: 00:18:55

Right?

Alisa Kay: 00:18:55

It's as if you stopping and starting you, you know, not showing up

Alisa Kay: 00:18:59

online every single day is the thing that is keeping you back.

Alisa Kay: 00:19:03

And I'm here to tell you that it probably nine times out of

Alisa Kay: 00:19:05

10 is now don't get me wrong.

Alisa Kay: 00:19:08

There were lots of people who do have the money to spend on ads

Alisa Kay: 00:19:10

and are quite happy, you know, reinvesting, yada, yada, yada that's.

Alisa Kay: 00:19:14

Okay.

Alisa Kay: 00:19:14

That's a strategy too, but most coaches.

Alisa Kay: 00:19:18

In my experience, most hidden experts who walk coaches, I hidden that stuck

Alisa Kay: 00:19:24

and then all thriving because they're not willing to put, showing up as the

Alisa Kay: 00:19:28

number one priority in the business.

Alisa Kay: 00:19:31

And.

Alisa Kay: 00:19:32

I feel that it's a massive disservice to all of the people out there who

Alisa Kay: 00:19:36

need your help when you're doing that.

Alisa Kay: 00:19:39

And it's a massive disservice to you as a person too, because you're essentially

Alisa Kay: 00:19:43

you're on a cycle of self-sabotage and you don't even realize it because

Alisa Kay: 00:19:47

by you not prioritizing showing up, you're not owning your genius.

Alisa Kay: 00:19:51

You know, flexing your creative muscles.

Alisa Kay: 00:19:54

You're not admitting what you actually really want.

Alisa Kay: 00:19:57

And what most coaches want is that recognition is that

Alisa Kay: 00:20:00

higher level of impact.

Alisa Kay: 00:20:02

And the way that we have high level of impact is by talking to more people.

Alisa Kay: 00:20:05

So what's the first step that you need to take in order to

Alisa Kay: 00:20:08

stop hiding and start thriving?

Alisa Kay: 00:20:09

In my experience, It boils down to this showing up every single day.

Alisa Kay: 00:20:14

I want you to put a 60 minute block at the top of your calendar and prioritize

Alisa Kay: 00:20:19

that as non-negotiable showing up time, can you create a post, can you do a story?

Alisa Kay: 00:20:25

start by focusing just on one platform.

Alisa Kay: 00:20:28

I'm not asking you to show up in all of the places.

Alisa Kay: 00:20:30

I don't need you to be the tick-tock queen, the Instagram queen, the

Alisa Kay: 00:20:33

Facebook queen, and all of the above.

Alisa Kay: 00:20:35

Right.

Alisa Kay: 00:20:36

What I want for you is to pick a platform and just show up on it with intention.

Alisa Kay: 00:20:41

Like that seems very, very simple.

Alisa Kay: 00:20:43

Ultimately, the only way that you'll stop hiding is by committing to

Alisa Kay: 00:20:47

showing up in one place consistently.

Alisa Kay: 00:20:49

It's a bit like going to the gym and I want you to start thinking

Alisa Kay: 00:20:53

about, okay, well, how can I start impacting more and more people?

Alisa Kay: 00:20:57

And where do they want to hang out?

Alisa Kay: 00:21:00

My platform of choice.

Alisa Kay: 00:21:01

Usually I would say is Facebook because most of my clients hang

Alisa Kay: 00:21:04

out on Facebook, yada yada, yada.

Alisa Kay: 00:21:06

But it doesn't mean that your platform of choice needs to be that like my clients

Alisa Kay: 00:21:10

make headway on Tik TOK and on Instagram, you know, when clubhouse was, was the

Alisa Kay: 00:21:14

thing, one of my coaches was on clubhouse.

Alisa Kay: 00:21:17

Like the platform is.

Alisa Kay: 00:21:18

the place to show up again.

Alisa Kay: 00:21:20

It's a bit like the gym.

Alisa Kay: 00:21:21

You can go to any gym in any country, but if you've developed

Alisa Kay: 00:21:25

that habit of going consistently, then that's where the magic happens.

Alisa Kay: 00:21:29

It's in the consistency of the showing up, not the actual

Alisa Kay: 00:21:32

equipment that you're using.

Alisa Kay: 00:21:34

So I think that, you know, for you to stop giving your power away and

Alisa Kay: 00:21:39

for you to stop sabotaging yourself, you need to prioritize your business

Alisa Kay: 00:21:43

first, putting that oxygen mask on first, there's always going to be the

Alisa Kay: 00:21:47

best first step in you creating the business that you ultimately want.

Alisa Kay: 00:21:52

And I see so many coaches.

Alisa Kay: 00:21:54

Going to the Vox, the notifications go into that, you know, emails, first thing

Alisa Kay: 00:22:00

in the morning, and then get diverted when actually what they need to be doing

Alisa Kay: 00:22:04

is they need to be sitting down at the desk, crazy and content thinking about

Alisa Kay: 00:22:08

what are the metrics that I need to be measuring and then going deeper and deeper

Alisa Kay: 00:22:15

into implementing that plan into actually actioning on those metrics.

Alisa Kay: 00:22:19

And so many coaches don't view that business as a business.

Alisa Kay: 00:22:23

They view it as like a nice side hobby where they get to talk to

Alisa Kay: 00:22:25

clients once a week or whatever.

Alisa Kay: 00:22:28

And I'm here to tell you that.

Alisa Kay: 00:22:29

Part of being a business owner is showing up every day.

Alisa Kay: 00:22:32

Like, I wasn't doesn't take a break because it it's, it's sad or

Alisa Kay: 00:22:36

because it having, you know, a bit of a bad week or has period cramps.

Alisa Kay: 00:22:41

Like I wasn't, as there every single day I was in the business is different.

Alisa Kay: 00:22:45

I wasn't, Amazon of whoever was running hours and at this moment in time,

Alisa Kay: 00:22:49

and it's the same thing with you.

Alisa Kay: 00:22:50

You as the business owner are different from the business that you're leading.

Alisa Kay: 00:22:55

And I want you to start separating those two things because you

Alisa Kay: 00:22:57

showing up within your business and that's a non-negotiable thing.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:01

Your business needs content, your business needs the lifeblood, your

Alisa Kay: 00:23:04

business needs metrics to track you as a business owner might need a day

Alisa Kay: 00:23:08

off here or there, and that's okay.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:10

But then what are we putting in place in order to make sure that the business.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:14

Functioning.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:14

Right.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:15

And I think part of being a modern coach is you understanding

Alisa Kay: 00:23:18

that you are different to your business, then not one in the same.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:21

Your wealth of experience brings it to the forefront, right?

Alisa Kay: 00:23:24

Your wealth of experiences will drives the messaging.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:28

It drives the content, it drives the, the creation of the program

Alisa Kay: 00:23:33

that you're setting, but the business itself has needs to.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:37

And are you actually fulfilling them or are you, are you essentially in an

Alisa Kay: 00:23:40

abusive relationship with your business?

Alisa Kay: 00:23:42

And I think one of the hardest lessons that I had to learn was that yes.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:47

I was not showing up consistently.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:49

Yes.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:49

I wasn't sure about all of the things that I needed to do.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:51

Yes.

Alisa Kay: 00:23:52

Like it sucked having to put those things in place and they're still

Alisa Kay: 00:23:57

in progress, but actually there's a non-negotiable things that I had

Alisa Kay: 00:24:02

to do in order to actually have a business that creates that freedom.

Alisa Kay: 00:24:07

And sometimes we have to do the hard things in order to, you

Alisa Kay: 00:24:10

know, get the things that we want.

Alisa Kay: 00:24:12

And that's not a bad thing that just means.

Alisa Kay: 00:24:16

We have to reframe them.

Alisa Kay: 00:24:17

We have to, you know, look at an easier way.

Alisa Kay: 00:24:19

We have to discover, we have to learn, we have to evolve.

Alisa Kay: 00:24:22

Right.

Alisa Kay: 00:24:23

But if we're not willing to even show up, then there's a problem.

Alisa Kay: 00:24:26

And I think that showing up is always the first step.

Alisa Kay: 00:24:30

Thank you so much for joining me in today's episode.

Alisa Kay: 00:24:32

I hope you enjoyed it.

Alisa Kay: 00:24:33

And I hope that you can stop hiding and go forth and show up in the way

Alisa Kay: 00:24:37

that I know you've always meant to.

Alisa Kay: 00:24:40

So I'll see you in the next episode for now.